B & B Review: Upton House, Fowey, Cornwall

This unique, stylish but totally kitschy cottages in Cornwall offers an entertaining antidote to anxiety guesthouse

"Given this B & B? Wild looks," says an e-mail. Upton House on the site I click on breakfast. Blimey – this makes a change from jam and fried eggs.

Two women on roller blades are surrounded by cake stands filled with sandwiches and waffles. People seem to be dressed as a bunny girl, the other as Alice in Wonderland into a magician. Click. Click. What is the quickest route to Fowey?

You just can not miss Upton House. It is pink. And you can not miss his owner, Angelique Thompson, who answers the door in a silk dress, fishnets, fake eyelashes and ribbon tie platform shoes. No one would bat an eyelid at Carnaby Street, but in Fowey, Cornwall, where it is de rigueur cagoule, they cut a dash.

She sticks in my bag, hop in my car, and sends me to a free parking lot, then steps back dizzying streets in her shoes is not possible without a wobble. Victoria Beckham would cry.

Austrian-born interior designer Angelique and her husband Paul bought a weekend house, then decided to move here permanently. Upton House is a shop on the ground floor, now a showcase for Angelique's interiors business (and unconventional style B & Bs).

I should think, just as she joins? I wait for the custom-made furniture (moleskin velvet chairs, dressers painted dark gray), bold wallpaper, white fluffy bunnies (she seems very fond of this: I find one in my room) and a series of porcelain decorated with slender legs that one might expect something more mundane, such as a handle. Brushes, paint and purple flowers high complete the picture.

Shop secure, we climb along walls and dark woodwork suggestive until we my all-white snow to reach Bubble Room on the second floor. A Glitterball shed light sparkles like snowflakes on the ceiling and white leather jewelry captures the Bedhead. Feet sheepskin. A 1960 bucket seat suspended from the ceiling to not invite a precarious state of the pound to think, but to lean against the pillows with sequins and think more frivolous thoughts. Ooh, the bathroom is one of those egg-shaped baths (sadly wasted – in this case – to the solos bather).

For the price, this is not a huge bedroom. Penhaligon toiletries seems a safe choice, and the handmade mattress deserves better than the self-stripe cotton bedding never irons on edge. The mini-fridge compromises the hanging space, and I'm not surprised to find a pair of padded hangers with wooden ones.

The website is the result of a photo shoot with models, I learn more than tea in the velvet sofa-ed Music Room. Not everyone in Fowey (think of regattas, Daphne du Maurier Festival) Upton House considers an asset to the city, though. Some (apparently) Angelique accused of running a brothel. If so, this is the first to Visit Britain has awarded five stars.

My stay was a swirl of chatter, fluttering eyelashes and cake (banana bread with chocolate spread for breakfast, anyone?). "Oh – breakfast room, dining room – so boring," says Angelique, catching me taking pictures of the dining room door (the sign says: "Let Them Eat Cake").

The trio of sausages (menu says Upton Trio), are made by a local butcher and simply delicious. They may be new, but Angelique – who even offers a turndown service – knows what she's doing. Yes, it's kitsch, but it is also an antidote to all those places that take oh-so serious. At the moment, not a bit of a giggle just what we all need?

WHAT TO DO IN THE AREA – by locals

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Submited at Saturday, October 1st, 2011 at 7:00 am on Hotel by chuck
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